I remember in Jeep 101, my first off-roading course, that slower is better. Why is it that today I feel like a turtle, yet my mind is racing with excitement and undying desire to get my rig dirty? We need to hurry up this lesson! I need to kick up some mud, clip some trees and climb some hills or be wenched between some boulders to satisfy my urge. I am about to have my first chance to be behind the wheel, in control of it all! The instructor can't seem to stop talking about safety and ettiquettte towards fellow drivers. How hard can it be? We, a bunch of Jeep enthusiaists, travelling together down a worn path with with experienced trail guides to pull us out, if we get stuck or buried in mud over our heads....or wheels.
At last, the words I anticipate! "Are you ready to go out and be in the middle of the action?"
My heart is beating fast and my palms are sweaty. My leg is quickly swinging back and forth and my mind is out of control. This is actually happening. I am going to take Black Beautiful (my rig), to see new heights, allowing her to run to her full potential and show me what she can do. I am too excited!
I wait in the line up with the rest of the Jeep Jamboree attendees to be handed my lunch. Most of these guys have done this a thousand times. My lunch is as much of a surprise as my day ahead. All of a sudden, my confidence is declining. I can see all of the other Jeeps, lifted six inches or more equipped with winches, on-board air and 35+ inch tires. All of a sudden, I am not feeling like such a hot shot. I wanted to hurry from my lesson, but now that it is happening, I am acting like a girl. I am being intimidated by boys, boys with big Jeeps! In the line up, I look ahead to see the rigs in front of me. A lime green Jeep sponsered by Chrysler Jeep Dodge, a black Rubicon and an over-sized red jeep with tires taller than my mother. Within my eyes scope, all I can see are Jeeps! I feel like Vanna White should be here to turn over the next tile and send me home!
The Okanogan weather is breath-taking. It is hot and dry. The sky is a majestic blue. The only heat I have ever felt this perfectly hot was from standing over a wood stove, stoked with cedar from the west coast. I put my bandana over my face to protect my breathing from the flying dust on course and proceed to the line up.
Driving to the trail, I feel my body starting to relax. My muscles are once again at ease and my breathing is normal. All of the beginners are with me in the same line up, heading to The Panoramic Trail. Approaching my first obstacle, I look around at the other Jeeps in front of me. No Problem! No one is having trouble. It should be easy.
"Are you ready?"
"I am feeling a little scared."
"Don't worry, you are good. Giv'er a little gas going up and release at the top. Once you are at the top, just let yourself go down."
I know that I can do this! I push the gas and make my way up. No problems. For some reason it looks harder to go down. The Jeep is almost rocking and I am stuck up here. What the hell, I have to get down somehow!
"Wow, that was awesome!" I want to do it again, but better. I want something more challenging!
The day goes by and I see many "panoramic views". I have a few new scratches on my rig, but nothing impressive! I want some real action! Now, I know that I can do this shit!
"What is the hold up?" I hear from a distance, as I patiently wait to move along. I know that my instuctor said slow, but we haven't moved in an hour. It is hot out here. I have already taken pictures of cows who have just happened to cross our path and my brows are drenched in sweat. You can only pee outside so many times before you want a real bathroom with real soap and water! Now, I just want to get the hell outta here.
"Holy Shit, that is a heck of a puddle!"
"Oh my!" It is my turn, what the..., o.kay, here I go! This is unexpected but looks like fun! "
I give Black Beautiful a little gas. I have landed smack in the middle of a mud bog.
I hear from the left, "Give'r more gas!"
I put my foot on the excellerator. All I can hear is the sound of my tires rotating and fighting to get out of this hole. I am not going anywhere, yet I am not embarressed! I can't be stuck! I put my foot on the gas some more. Mud hits me in the face. I am starting to like this, yet I feel a bit frustrated. My foot is on the gas, but I am not going anywhere. Do I need help out? No, I can do it. I put my foot to the petal. It is like I am stuck in snow. No one is going to dig me outta here! I have been waiting all day for this. I have to try a little harder! With a little more gas, I feel my body leaning into the move, until I can feel myself rocking to get out.... I'm not on a dirt bike, my rocking isn't going to help!
"Do you want to be winched out?"
"Are you kidding? I can get out of here!"
The mud splurts up and out. My rig is covered in mud and so is my face, but I am still sure that I can do it. The trail guides are only here for reassurance! I could never use them for that purpose. Then I might be labled a girl!
"Come on, Black Beautiful! You are capable. Don't make me look uncapable!"
I turn my wheel to the left and give'er slight gas and, I am out!

The Day Just Keeps Getting Better

Well, I think this one is going to need a stitch or two.
Walking into the emergency room at the Thunder Bay Regional Hospital, I quickly realize that the entire city is freaking out over the H1N1 virus.
I am greeted immediately at the Emergency doors, by people wearing masks, standing behind a table which is blockading the waiting area and reception desk. There is hand sanitizer sitting on every station and pamphlets outlining the symptoms of the "killer flu", which is bombarding our nation and city, to say the least. I guess I have been underestimating the seriousness of the swine flu.
"Have you had a cough in the past week, have you had a fever? Any flu-like symptoms in the past week?" she asks without pausing for my answer after each question. She gazes up at me from behind the table with her masked face, as the last question comes out. Oh, she is waiting for my answer to all three questions. Do I group the questions together and give one answer or do I answer each one individually? She is looking irritated and frustrated at me. I better hurry and answer her, either way.
"No," I say.
With a sigh of relief, she directs me to the line up which awaits the reception nurse.
" Please, use this hand sanitizer and wait for reception to let you know it is your turn"
"No problem."
Wow, I cannot even take my place in the line up. I have to wait here in fear that I might be getting to close to people? This is scary!
The waiting room is divided into two separate areas. One for people like me, who have had no flu symptoms and one area for all of the people wearing masks, who I assume must have the symptoms.
Has everyone forgotten that it is regular flu season, too? Why necessarily does every cough, sore throat or fever have to be swine flu? More people died last year from the seasonal flu than swine flu victims this year. Maybe, I am too calm. Of course, nothing can happen to me. I am invincible. As long as I wash my hands often and eat broccoli, yogurt, green vegetables, and squash to go along with plenty of rest, I should be o.kay, right?
"Next."
"These are scary times we are living in!"
"It is just a precaution, ma'am."
I look around and see that all of the staff are wearing protective masks and gloves. Two thirds of the patients are wearing masks and keeping their distance from fellow patients. This really is a cautious time, maybe even a bit paranoid. The room is quiet, in spite of the fact that the waiting room is overflowing with people.
I give her my story as to why I am here. She, too seems bothered that I am taking up their valuable time. Perhaps, I am using up time which should be made available to more deserving or more serious patients, suffering from H1N1 symptoms. Who knows!
I have a right to be here!
"How long do you figure until I can expect to be seen, I know that you can't tell me exactly, but approx...."
"Hurry up, Ma'am, we have people waiting. I can't tell you that"
"I know that you are busy, but I have a class starting in just over an hour, perhaps you can tell me about how..."
"I told you I do not know!
"I am sorry Miss, but I have a right to be here."
" And there are patients waiting to be signed in."
My face is burning up. I can feel the anxiety filling my body and I am about to explode. How rude, she will not even let me finish my thoughts! Besides the fact that I am in pain and bleeding all over the sleeve of my coat, I am staring at a bunch of blank, partial faces covered in protective wear, and that is starting to freak me out even more. I refuse! I am not going to get paranoid about this, so called pandemic, and I am surly not going to lose it on this woman!
"Is being a bitch a qualification that must be met before being hired to work in emergency? People here are sick or injured and do not need to be brushed off by an overpaid, lack of knowledge person like you with zero compassion and zero people skills!"
Opps. I think that I just lost it!
I am in shock that I just said that! She glances over to her co-worker and says, "This one is a real prize."
I just need to ignore this comment. I am a big person. I see no evil, hear no evil and will not take any further action in this conversation.
I came into this place with an owy that needs to be looked at and now, I am falling in to the fear that has been spread all over this room from what they call precautions. To me they are instilling fear in people about a virus that may or may not be as serious as they are predicting. Like with any virus, we need to be careful, wash hands, not touch our faces, gargle listerine, drink a few hot beverages everyday, and keep our nosrils clean. It is one thing to take precautions and it is another thing to spread fear through over-reaction! Dammit, I am just going to take my seat and hope for the best!
I have been called in. That was so fast!
"Wow, I am done already and 20 minutes to spare! I'm not going to be late. Maybe this wasn't such a bad visit!" If nothing else, it has been effective. Jaunting along, replaying my whole visit, I can tell myself that atleast I am not going to be late for school. Something going right. Where are my keys? "Oh," digging into my pocket, "here they are."
Oh no, are those my lights on? Um-Hmm!
I am so cold! That helicopter needs to fly away. It is so windy. The key unlocks the door and I jump into my jeep, barely being able to hear a thing from the noise of the chopper. I put the key in the ignition... and guess what, it is dead! I killed the battery. I hope this is not an indication as to what the swine flu really means!